Friday, April 16, 2010

Catholic mommy of 9

Where generosity was expected they got it. I was told to never say no when a superior or director asked something from me. To do so was a lack of generosity. I was told to favor the movement apostolate………….the formation in the movement was more authentically Catholic. I did not pick up a book, take a class, or make any decisions even those that should be made with my husband without the approval of my Spiritual Director or Team Leader. I spent my time recruiting and plotting how to build our apostolate. Want me here……….yes, I’ll go. Hours of formation activities all meant to integrate me deeper and deeper. I read every one of the founder’s letters over and over. I studied them and assimilated them………….after all I am a Co-Founder it is my job to carry on the Charisim exactly as he passed. I spent years questioning nothing yet my heart questioned everything………………………..I said nothing. Even though I knew the main purpose for every apostolate was to either financially support the Legion and Regnum Christi or to keep the membership and vocations flowing. The Apostolate dealing with children were used to recruit for the apostolic schools or eventually into adult RC members. Familia existed to bring Vocations to RC. I knew these things but I had swallowed the Blue Pill.

The constant stream of formation eventually led to squashing my ability to hear the prompting of the Holy Spirit. Many times things did not make sense……………I was supposed to be helping others build their families, but I was always asking them to leave them. I had been leaving mine sometimes 5 nights a week to build the Kingdom of Christ. My now 5 children were very small they needed their mommy at home, but Christ needed me to build His Kingdom right? I remember the praises given to Mothers who sacrificed their families this way. One Legionary told a story of a couple who were outside the house 6 nights a week building the movement and how he had sat with their children and explained to them how wonderful their parents were for doing Christ’s will. Serving other……………………….even at the expense of your own families. No it did not make sense. Some of the stories told about the founder seemed inconsistent. The Pope loved us right? It cost so much money to do everything…………….why? We had formators conventions to attend, evenings of reflections to attend, weekly encounters, Spiritual Direction, Team Dialog, Tridiums, Youth and Family Encounters, Integration Days, Days of Formation, and the list goes on. I left my family at the drop of the hat. Oh they had meals in the fridge, clean clothes, and childcare was arranged………but Mom was nowhere to be found. Then there were the apostolate. I held many hats at one time. I was climbing right up the formator ladder. No I did not ask any questions. All of this fed my ego …………………I swallowed the Blue Pill.

Read more here at : http://holinessisforeveryone.blogspot.com/2010/04/which-shall-i-choosethe-red-or-blue.html#comment-form

Notice how the Legion of Christ and Regnum Christi drove a wedge between her and her husband? Yeah ... the will of God ... ignore your stupid husband whom God chose for you from all eternity ... we are RC, the kingdom is us! ... Time is Kingdom ... give us your children to raise! (insert evil laugh here, muhahaha!)

No comments: